


Where the Heart Is

by Azar



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-29
Updated: 2011-09-29
Packaged: 2017-10-24 03:38:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/258528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azar/pseuds/Azar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonas ponders the meaning of home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where the Heart Is

**Author's Note:**

> A little bit of wishful thinking penned after the episode "Homecoming." Betaed by Medie.

 

He was home. He knew this sky by heart--this sun, these stars that were still hiding behind the blue sky of daylight, the birds, insects and inventions that flew through the clear air. He could name those stars; he'd learned them as a child, and even staring up at the night sky of dozens of other worlds, he'd still seen them on the inside of his eyelids when he closed his eyes.

The architecture that surrounded him, the clothes he wore, the voices and languages that whispered on the edge of his hearing, the faint scent of plant life and various lingering colognes from visitors past, all were equally familiar. Every outward sign, every one of his five senses, screamed at him that this was where he belonged.

So why, then, was he so restless?

One finger snaked under the collar of his shirt, tugging at it as if he expected it to miraculously loosen. He'd forgotten how constricting these things could be--or maybe it would be more accurate to say he'd remembered, no longer accustomed to the feel of the high neck after a year of adopting the uniform of an alien world, and thus no longer comfortable with it.

He'd been surprised to find himself feeling that way about a number of things. Feeling as though he'd stepped back into a pair of shoes that no longer fit.

"Ambassador Quinn? They're waiting for you."

Jonas opened his eyes and turned away from the window to face the prim young woman who'd addressed him. Ambassador--something else that felt alien to him, even though it was the culmination of everything he'd wanted for the long months he'd been in exile. He was home, and he was welcome--no longer seen as a traitor but a hero. The peace of his world, the fate of his country, had been placed in his hands, because no one else was trusted with it. He'd abandoned Kelowna in order to save it, and now he was reaping the rewards of that choice.

So why did he feel almost like more of a stranger here and now than he had during those terrible first few months on Earth?

"I'll be there in a minute, Margot."

She nodded dutifully and left him alone with his thoughts. Thoughts that wandered once again to the restlessness he should've left behind when he stepped through the Stargate for the last time.

They finally settled on one indisputable conclusion: he'd changed, and despite the outward appearances of the peace summit he was expected to guide...Kelowna hadn't. They still looked at him and saw Jonas Quinn, advisor to the First Minister. Some of them probably even still saw Jonas Quinn, traitor, even though they no longer said so now that the government's official position on his actions had changed.

They didn't know Jonas Quinn, member of SG-1, who'd worked harder at proving himself to his teammates than he'd ever worked at anything in his life. They didn't know Jonas Quinn, genetic tampering and brain surgery survivor, former precognitive, impromptu linguist, Weather Channel fan...

No one on Kelowna would ever fully understand why he cared so much about the opinion of Colonel O'Neill or General Hammond, why he had so much respect for Teal'c, or why the thought of Sam's smile alone could bring a smile to his own face. And while they might understand superficially why he would do just about anything for Daniel Jackson, they'd never know what it was like to try to live up to the man in the eyes of his surrogate family. They'd never understand how it felt to know that he didn't have to try anymore with one of them because they had accepted him for who he was instead of seeing him for who he wasn't.

Maybe that was why, a moment ago at the window, he'd closed his eyes and seen a different set of constellations spread out on his eyelids. Orion, the "Big Dipper," Cassiopeia, Cancer, Cygnus, Sagittarius...names he'd memorized from the pages of an astronomy book he sneaked out of Colonel O'Neill's office one night after everyone but himself, Teal'c and the night shift had gone home.

He was beginning to understand the Earth expression, "you can't go home again." Because home is a place of belonging and, like a puzzle piece that's been re-cut, a man can't belong any longer to a place where the new shape of his soul no longer fits.

He'd become an alien on his own world.

Thoughtfully, Jonas looked down at the GDO he'd been turning over in his hands, that General Hammond had given him just in case he ever wanted to come back and visit with the friends...yes, friends...he'd left behind. "Home is where the heart is," the people of Earth were also known to say, but his "home" had broken his heart, and he'd had to find a new place for it to heal.

A quiet, convicted smile spread slowly over his face. For the first time since his return, he allowed himself to entertain the thought that had been fighting to get out ever since he'd stepped through the Stargate onto Kelownan soil.

There was a new purpose to his steps as he turned from the window and strode finally, confidently down the hall to where the peace talks were waiting for him. Purpose because...well, the sooner he finished the job he'd come here to do, the sooner he could go home.


End file.
